A person who uses a passive form of behavior says, "I will let you win and I will lose."
A person who uses an aggressive form of behavior says, "I will win, you will lose and I do not care."
A person who use assertive behavior says, " I want you to win, and as a result of you winning, I have the same basic right to win also," thus, a win-win situation for everyone involved.
For many, it is seems easier to walk through life passively allowing people to walk all over them, not wanting to make waves, avoiding conflict like the plague. Others refuse to allow people to walk on them and feel they must be the aggressor, often intimidating and hurting others as they bully their way through situations. We all know people like these; we may see ourselves here, as well.
Both of these ways of relating to others are very bad habits and not the thing to do. Sometimes it is difficult to see the third option we have-the best form of behavior that brings balance to any situation, and makes it possible for you to win and the other person to win, as well-and that is to be assertive.
It certainly takes work to be assertive, and It takes practice, especially if you are not used to it. But being assertive in a situation works most every time because it is the healthy thing to do.
So the question must be How do we operate with an assertive mind set in our dealing with other human beings? Here are your assertive rights:
• You have a right to refuse requests and to say "No" without feeling selfish or guilty.
• You have a right to be treated with respect and dignity, and not be intimidated or manipulated.
• You have the right to make your own decisions and choices and to take the consequences of them.
• You have the right to have your own needs be as important as others' needs.
• You have a right to delay your answer in order to consider your options.
• You have a right not to have everyone like you all the time.
• You have a right to make mistakes without making excuses or subjecting yourself to self-condemnation.
• You have a right to freely express your feelings, perceptions, and opinions without feeling out of place.
• You have a right to change your mind without having to justify your decision.
• You have a right to decide for yourself when to be assertive and when not o be, without feeling guilt.
• You have a right to ask for information or assistance without feeling inadequate or inferior.
• You have a right to do less than expected of you if it is the best that you can do.
Apply these principles on a daily basis in your life and you will magically change your life and the lives of people you are touching. And remember that everyone else has these same twelve basic rights!